Well, it has been quite a long time in between posts for me. Most folks, I believe, understand why and have been indirectly appraised of my situation, but due to a rare burst of energy I thought I would share some thoughts.
Heading back to my last post I had just had some issues with internal bleeding and needed some blood to stabilize my body. Sadly that situation got worse before it got better. The internal bleeding returned with a vengeance and I ended up in hospital getting blood and creating cannibal corpse album cover replications in the toilet while there.
It was a terrible situation and I have never been so disgusted by my body. Bowel movements had a reek that I had never experienced before, like the smell of a disturbed swamp, and I was beginning to wonder if I would ever stop bleeding. Tests were done, another endoscope that I woke up during, and the conclusion was not great. No obvious source of the bleeding, meaning it was in behind my surgery working with my tumor. No a great situation.
After a week or so the bleeding had stopped and the hospital had a plan for what to do if it started up again. I had received a bunch more blood and seemed to be on the mend. I was signed up for some radiation treatment to hopefully stop the bleeding for a little longer, so I underwent a week of radiation and got to experience that line of treatment as well. It is unclear if that helped or not, but I have not bled since.
While in hospital I had also started collecting fluid in my abdomen. I looked pregnant, and weight wise that was an apt metaphor as I ended up having 11 lbs of fluid drained from my innards to the outside world. I know have a permanent drain installed and home care comes twice a week to drain me as I fill up that fast.
A lot of time had passed since all this stuff had happened and no treatment had been completed for weeks. That led to a tough discussion about treatment and whether or no it it was still effective at all or if, in fact, it had become detrimental instead. I was never able to complete a cycle without some side effect side lining me for a week or weeks at a time. After some tough talks with Lindsay and a lot of thought, we decided to stop treatment. This was a tough decision as it effectively means we are giving up and are only going to fight with what I was born with now. The side effects had just become too dangerous and painful. It was the right choice in my opinion...
My pain management is doing well and I mostly and pain free. I have lost more muscle mass and it seems impossible that I can still stand on my own. Slowly the muscle mass will deteriorate more and eventually I will become confined to a bed. We a currently planning on keeping me home until the end, but we will see how tough things get for Lindsay, as that will be a lot of work for her. It still feels weird as I am still strong enough to move around a little bit but I am so tired that I spend more time sleeping than awake. Hence the lack of updates.
Anyway, that is all I have for now, hopefully this is legible and makes sense. We continue moving forward, doing the best we can! Keep on keeping on!
Hi Todd, it's been a few years, but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. It's been nearly 30 years since I met Todd Homan, with the long blue black hair and bullet belt. Since then, you've played a part in many of my most favorite and memorable events - Halloween Hangovers, millennium New Years in Fernie, vacation in the Dominican, graduations, weddings, a baby, bad haircuts (yes, I remember your mullet 😋), camping, birthdays and other shenanigans. And despite the passage of time since we last saw each other, I want you to know I feel very lucky and grateful to call you a friend. My thoughts are with you and Lindsay and I hope you've both f…